


Flagellating the Mind

by Femboys_make_noise



Category: Septiplier - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Coming Out, Drinking, FTM, M/M, Transgender, Transman, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-18 01:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14842781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Femboys_make_noise/pseuds/Femboys_make_noise
Summary: (Slow septiplier build up)Sean, formerly known as Shauna, gets to meet his idol. However, he comes with baggage and it's not a little.(Trans!Jack fanfic because there's not enough of them)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There’s a minor event of an attempt of self mutilation, however it’s extremely brief (only is mentioned in one paragraph in the beginning and again briefly later on).
> 
> Other than that, everything that could be triggering to those going through similar is all mental/emotional rather than physical. I’m a trans man myself, not all feelings expressed in this work will be of everyone, it’s mostly my own feelings towards being trans and the dysphoria involved with it.

<p>Warnings: attempt of self mutilation, repressed memories - TIME LINE IS NOT ACCURATE TO IRL JACK -  
Chapter may be a little hard to read as it's just filler info leading up to story line.. so just bear with it, all the details are important. ———— Chapter 1 -

Background From the time she was around 9 or 10, she knew she didn't like the name 'Shauna.' She'd simply avoid introductions at all costs and try to stay away from anyone who she didn't know. Being in year 4, that wasn't the most doable thing - kids were curious. There were several years around there that she could remember little of, she never really questioned it either, figuring they were unimportant.

All through grade school, up until about year 8, she'd just figured she was weird. It was normal for kids to hate their names. It was normal for them to hate their bodies even... but it got out of hand, fast. When her mother had found her with a disposable shaving razor that had more maneuvered out of the clean plastic, razor in hand and digging furiously at the fat around her sternum; She was crying, hands stained with droplets of blood... that was when she felt she was more than just weird.

That was the first incident. Others were a blur mostly, just remembering the emotions involved with each.  
It wasn't until high school, year 10, that she started putting things together. The internet was better accessible as well so things weren't limited to what someone had once written about. She'd started hearing stories about someone changing their sex and how a he became a she.. and needless to say, she started doing research.

Then, in year 11, she decided to ask her friends to start calling her Sean and to call her a 'he.' For the most part, his friends were fine with it, just a few questions about why he wanted them to and when he'd found out. And in all honesty? There wasn't a time he found out, there was just a time he could place a name to it.

He'd come out soon after to his parents.. right after he'd cut his hair without their knowledge. He hadn't done one of the dramatic Mulan type scenes, he'd gotten it professionally cut so it actually looked good and fit his face shape. He could only smile as he saw over three feet of hair on the floor, opting to donate it.

Once he got home, however, he instantly got shocked looks from his parents and siblings alike. Then came the yelling. Eventually, he was able to sit them down and explain to them what was going through his head. The reactions weren't great, but they were awful either. All he got was the 'phase' speech and was grounded.

That's when he decided he needed a distraction as summer creeped up, school ending for the season. He started playing more and more video games, finding ways to deepen his voice as time went on and finally decided to upload his first YouTube video right before year 12. He became more and more comfortable with it and gathered all his energy to put into the videos. He'd never hated or even disliked the Irish stereotype of leprechauns and such, instead incorporating them into his videos with a very enthusiastic "Top o' the mornin' t'ya laddies!" and as the follower count began to grow as did his confidence and he started using a face cam - while binding his chest, of course.

It seemed he was starting to get popular when he was acknowledged by an idol of his in year 13: PewDiePie.</p>


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Incorrect methods of binding (and after mass effects), unsupportive parents, religious themes briefly mentioned

Warnings: Incorrect methods of binding (and after mass effects), unsupportive parents, religious themes briefly mentioned

 

Chapter 2 - Contest

 

Needless to say, getting discovered by someone so above you at only 16 going on 17 was a dream come true. Felix was so nice about the shout-out too, emailing him for his phone number and congratulating him that way. Sure enough, Sean's channel got featured that day, nearly tripling the amount of subscribers within hours and only continuing to multiply for the next week.

 

Then when it seemed he had reached the peak of where he could grow, he got received a message from someone he idolized so much, it was nearly unhealthy: Markiplier. He wished he could lie about it, but he literally screamed when he received the message.

 

1***123-4567: Hey, I know this is out of nowhere. But I got your number from Felix. I really like your videos! I'm Markiplier. I hope this isn't too weird, just randomly texting you and getting your number through a mutual friend.. but I wanted to see if you wanted to collab with me sometime?

 

Sean swallowed hard as he reread the message several times before replying. No one knew he had Felix's number so it seemed legit. And it was a foreign number, probably US if he had to take a guess.

 

Sean: That'd be sweet, man! When did you want to?

 

He hoped desperately he wasn't being too forward, he really wasn't that good with talking to new people, let alone someone he thought to be so above him.

 

Mark: Are you available now?

 

He definitely wasn't expecting it so soon, but no way he'd pass up on an opportunity like that. He quickly stripped himself of his shirt, taping his breasts down tightly, wincing at how sore they'd gotten from regular binding. He took a few breaths to calm down his racing heart as he slipped a hoodie on for measure. He picked his phone back up to reply with a quick, 'Sure!' and followed the link sent to Mark's Skype.

 

It wasn't long before they started the video chat, Sean actually having to stop himself from screaming by slapping a hand over his mouth. Mark, thankfully, understood and allowed the Irishman to calm himself down all while offering that illegally handsome smile of his. Finally, he got it together and they decided on GMOD to play together, both setting up their screen recorders and doing their intros before they got into playing the game.

 

Sean found that Mark opted for his common nickname, "Jack," rather than Sean, likely just assuming by his username. Most people called him it by now - family calling him "Jackie" so he figured shortening it would be best.

 

There was a few times where they had to edit out a little coughing fit Sean had due to his dangerous binding methods, Mark was none the wiser, just figuring it was congestion, asking him if he was alright before they continued playing.

 

After they were done, the two talked for a few hours before Sean cursed softly at seeing the time was well passed midnight. He reluctantly said goodnight to Mark and waved goodbye. As soon as the video chat ended, Sean hastily removed his hoodie and tapings, leaving his shirt off to avoid any contact with his sore chest.

 

The next day, after hours of editing, Sean uploaded the video and his channel seemed to explode a second time, making him smile each time he checked it.

 

However, as time went on, his parents became less and less tolerant of his life choices. They didn't like how he continued to keep his hair short or how everyone referred to him as a name they didn't give him - including his own siblings as they started accepting him.

 

When the break between first and second semester of year 13 came was when he was kicked out of his house. His father gave him a couple thousand and explained how the church would look down on their family if word got out about Sean's "condition."

 

Thankfully, Felix and him had gotten close. He didn't explain the reasons as to why he was kicked out of his house, only that his parents viewed him as a disgrace. The Swede, thankfully, accepting this as reason enough and set up a room for the Irishman in his house. He thanked god for such a great opportunity he'd gotten with the contest, but he knew Felix would find out before long, knowing he couldn't bind all hours a day.

 

Well, here goes nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: high levels of embarrassment, emotional Jack, underage drinking
> 
>  
> 
> \- again, timeline is incorrect and Felix is already with Marzia, Mark and Felix are also aged up to three years older than Sean

Chapter 3 - You're what?

 

Sean wasn't an idiot. He knew that, before long, Felix would catch on to his secret. He knew he should've used the opportunity he had to tell him, while they were watching movies together with Marzia. He should've told him right then and there... but he didn't.

 

It wasn't until VidCon was around the corner that Sean started getting even more nervous. Mark was going to be there, along with Bob, Wade, and Tyler. He'd done collabs with all but Tyler so he wasn't too incredibly nervous about that portion of it.

 

Well, maybe he was.

 

His body didn't exactly fit into the male spectrum: curvy hips, slim waist, soft skin. He never had acne very badly so he was practically unblemished aside from little scars every now and then. Not to mention, he probably couldn't keep his voice to the pitch he wanted if he was going to be socializing.

 

So, the night before Felix and him left for VidCon, he got plastered.

 

Sean was underage, only 17, so he had to be stealthy when he drank - which became a frequent pastime of his. No one ever really denied the Irish stereotype, and there really was no argument. The Irish were fond of drinking after all - or at least that's what Sean would defend.

 

There was a few times during the night where he was scared he was going to get caught, only to have Felix get distracted with Marzia doing what couples did, whether it be cuddling or sex or somewhere in between. The day after, he regretted it, but he was calmer now that he'd killed a few brain cells.

 

Then they were on the plane and within roughly 12 hours, they landed in California. Surprisingly, jet lag wasn't an issue, only the anxiety that set in after the realization that he was about to meet his idol in person was the thing that took him by storm.

 

Mark had been kind enough to let Sean stay at his house while Felix and Marzia stayed in an expensive hotel suite. Sean didn't really have money after all, not being popular enough to make a living out of YouTube quite yet.

 

The moment Sean stepped inside the impressive house, he felt intimidated, having put on a hoodie just to help with the initial scare of meeting Mark in person, not wanting the taping to bunch and give him away.

 

"It's nice to finally meet you - in person." Mark greeted as they eventually sat down to eat dinner - nothing special, just pizza. Of course, Sean was teased for liking pineapple on his pizza, but he just playfully shoved Mark, telling him he was a 'meat-a-holic' with his supreme half of their shared pizza.

 

"Likewise. Honestly, this feels like a dream that I'll wake up from at any second. This whole year has felt like that." Sean exasperated, cheeks permanently dusted with a nervous blush, fearful he'd embarrass himself.

 

Mark only chuckled, not really speaking for a moment as he washed down a bite of pizza with some water. "I can't tell you how often I feel like that... You wake up one morning and suddenly a half a million people know about you.. then a million.. then two.. then four. It's the craziest feeling."

 

Sean felt the slightest bit of relief knowing that if Mark still felt nervous, then he had right to be.

 

Eventually, however, the conversation twisted into personal territory. It wasn't Mark's fault, he was curious and concerned for Sean.

 

"How's life living with Felix?" He asked, innocent enough.

 

Soon it turned to, "Are you alright? He told me how upset you were for the first week or two... Do you want to talk about it at all?" In other words, 'what happened?'

 

Sean took a moment to respond, taking a drank of his water. "Well... it's a long story. The gist is I'm still not exactly alright, but I've moved passed it for the most part. Parents kicked me out for not fitting their religious ideals.. They didn't like that my friends and siblings understood, and they didn't want the church to find out, so they gave me some money and told me to leave." He explained, trying to explain it in a way that left out the most important detail as to why he didn't fit into the category of normal.

 

Mark gave a sympathetic look, smiling softly as an assurance of sorts. "They're at fault then, you're a great guy." Sean felt his heart race when he was called a guy, smiling softly. "I know, in a way, how that feels. I've.. never told my fans, only close friends.. but I came out as gay to my parents during high school. It didn't go too well, they were accepting but word got out to the other students and.. god, kids are mean."

 

Sean was shocked, feeling his face heat up. "You're gay? Wow.. I had no idea. How did you hide it all this time? Surely you've had boyfriends.. how did everyone not find out?" He asked, almost a little too eager. "I just... don't want anyone ta find out about my secrets."

 

Mark proceeded to tell about how he'd only had one boyfriend who was currently his best friend: Tyler. They were able to keep it hidden because people knew they'd always been close, just figuring they were very good friends. After hours of talking more, the two went to bed, Sean going to the guest bedroom Mark had set up.

 

Sean waited until he heard Mark go into his own bedroom before shutting his door and stripping off his hoodie and shirt. He took deep breathes as he carefully untapped his sore breasts, massaging especially tender areas as he tried not to focus on the difficulty he had breathing. He was used to it by now so he just continued to rub the soreness out until he could put down his arms. He then went to bed shirtless as usual, lying on his stomach incase Mark were to come into his room for whatever reason.

 

He was glad he did. That morning, he was awakened to a very loud Felix yelling at him to get up, actually coming into his room and bouncing on the free side of the bed.

 

"Felix, shut up!" Sean groaned, not even bothering to open his eyes as he lazily attempted to slap whatever part of the Swede he could hit - missing. The bruises across his ribs thankfully didn't go to his back, stopping roughly around his armpits. "Get out so I can get dressed."

 

Felix argued that they were all men and such before being practically dragged out by Marzia, getting scolded about needing to give their Jackaboy privacy. Soon, Sean was dressed, opting to go for an easier taping method that day as he'd be wearing baggy clothes anyway. He simply taped his breast's under his arms and across his back, making sure he was comfortable before slipping on a tank top. In all honesty, he only decided on the taping method so the tape wouldn't show in his cut off shirt. He also got on a pair of jeans just because they matched.

 

He walked downstairs, feeling more than a little self conscious as he met with the others. That was definitely the most skin he'd shown since he'd realized he was trans. A bit of bruising was visible under his arm but not terribly so.

 

Felix gave a low whistle at sight of Sean. "You clean up well." He teased with a wink. Sean could only blush, rubbing his nape.

 

"C'mon, lets have fun before VidCon tomorrow." Mark said, mostly to bring the attention off of Sean, knowing the younger male didn't like it after their conversation the night prior.

 

Sean was the second to last out, Mark being the last to shut and lock his door. They walked alongside each other as Felix and Marzia took up the width of the sidewalk in front of them. He looked around at all the new sights when he'd see something interesting - he'd caught Mark smiling as he watched Sean get excited over little things.

 

It was a perfect day... well, until Felix suggested going swimming.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: coming out, body checks, improper binding after mass, very uncomfortable scene (for both Jack and Mark)

Chapter 4 - I can't allow you 

 

Sean saw no way he could object to swimming. Everyone seemed completely up for it and he couldn't just ruin their fun. He just forced a tight smile into his face with a nod, hoping it was convincing enough.

 

None of the others seemed to notice the discomfort, mostly because Sean was used to covering it up by then and was getting pretty skilled at it. There was no way they knew and it was hot as hell out, so it was a reasonable thought.

 

Sean followed behind the others as they began to walk, Mark leading the way as he knew the city all too well. Felix was also aiding in directions as he frequently visited. As they started getting closer to a nice looking house, Sean got more and more nervous. It was starting to show and Mark seemed to notice. He stopped and held the door for Felix and Marzia.

 

"We'll be there soon, I wanna catch up more with Jack beforehand." Mark explained simply, getting a nod from Marzia as Felix had already headed inside.

 

After the others were out of earshot was when Mark started walking back to the sidewalk with Sean.

 

"Are you okay? You looked like you were about to hyperventilate.." He asked, concern in his tone. And he was just worried for a friend, and the Irishman caught on to that.

 

Sean hesitated before responding, having to think up proper wording to what he wanted to say. "Mark... I can't go swimming with you guys."

 

"Can you swim? If you can't, that's fine! We can help you!" Mark asked, enthusiastic about helping in anyway possible.

 

Sean couldn't help but laugh at that. It soon dawned on Mark that Ireland - and the UK for that matter - was an island, surrounded by water. It'd be almost irresponsible if you couldn't swim.

 

"Then what's wrong? How can I help?"

 

Sean took a deep breath before looking where they were heading. They were near a park so he lead Mark to a vacant part of the area and sat them down on a bench.

 

He felt his chest constrict with anxiety, lip momentarily quivering before he forced it to stop, taking a shaky breath.

 

"Mark. I'm trans." He confessed, voice just above a whisper, voice shaking and palms sweating. "I don't want Felix ta know yet... Marzia, I think she was catching on.. I can't have anyone else knowing."

 

Mark gave a look that just read nothing short of support and understanding, gently embracing Sean, still not sure how he felt about contact. To his relief, the Irishman instantly returned the gesture, hands slightly balling the back of Mark's shirt.

 

"... that's why your parents..?" The American started, not having to finish his question out before Sean nodded, tightening his embrace a bit. Mark sighed softly, sympathetic.

 

"They hated 'losing' their Shauna... basically said they didn't believe me up until most of the community knew, them they had enough and didn't want to be associated with me anymore." Sean said softly, finally pulling back from the hug after a few moments.

 

Mark shook his head, standing up from the bench and starting to walk after Sean got up and started following him.

 

"Where are we going?" Sean asked, confused.

 

"For one, we're going back to my place to get those bandages off your chest. I felt the layers during the hug. Those things can seriously deform your ribs." Mark said, giving a stern look back at Sean, to which he received a sheepish look.

 

Back at Mark's place, Felix was messaged, saying that they weren't going to swim and were just going to hang out. Sean walked upstairs to his room, Mark retrieving a shirt from his own wardrobe as he followed.

 

"I know that this might not be what you want.. but take off your shirt and binding. I can't just let this go without seeing if there's any damage." Mark said, making sure that it was clear he wasn't going to pull a pervert move, just being a concerned friend.

 

Sean was reluctant but eventually took off his shirt, feeling his heart start to race and breathing pick up as he undid the taping. He squeezed his eyes shut as the tape was completely removed, practically trembling.

 

Mark gave an apology before he put Sean's arms up, starting to feel along the Irishman's ribs gently. Every now and then, he'd hear the younger's breathing hitch or he'd whimper. After he was done, Mark gently handed over his spare shirt to Sean so he wouldn't wear clothes to irritate the already sore area, letting him put it on before speaking.

 

"I don't think anything is permanently damaged, just very bruised. I'll lend you a shirt for VidCon, I can't let you continue to wear this." He said, picking up the tape and bandages before wadding them up in his hand. ".. And thank you for telling me. You're not any less of a man - hell, you have more balls than most guys I know."

 

Sean could help but smile at Mark's kind words, moving closer to embrace him again, hugging him tight. "Thank you. It really does mean a lot." He said quietly, voice muffled as his nose was pressed against the crook of Mark's neck.

 

That was one person down. Only nearly a million to go. He wasn't sure how his fans were going to react, but he hoped it wouldn't be too terrible bad.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Emotional Jack, confrontation, lots of crying, graphic descriptions of events of the past, suicide attempt of the past, rape of the past, VERY HEAVY religious talk

Chapter 5 - Screw categories

 

Sean was far from ready to tell anyone else about his secret, fearing the aftermath most of all. Immediately after Mark knew, the American stayed closer, almost like protecting Sean from any harm to come his way.

 

Of course, the time came that night when the two were alone together.

 

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about it... Along your sternum, those scars... did you have surgery or something? I just– those looked really deep." Mark asked at dinner, sitting on the couch with Sean, eating takeout as they let Chica nap between them.

 

Sean visibly tensed at the question, stirring his noodles with the chopsticks. "... Not exactly." He muttered softly, not making eye contact with the other.

 

Mark gave a confused look, setting down his own carton of noodles so he could face Sean comfortably. "I don't understand."

 

"Well... I didn't ta get the scar itself, but I did get stitches.. When I was 12, I attempted to cut off my own breasts. If blood loss wasn't fatal, I likely would've succeeded had my mammy not heard me crying and rushed in. I don't remember much of anything from when I was smaller, but that I remember vividly, almost like it just happened. My mother's face... I hated myself even more than I ever had for making her face contort like that. It was like she'd seen a ghost. And she might as well have. There was so much blood, more than I thought there would be. Nearly my entire torso was painted and my hands stayed stained for a few days after. She got me to the hospital before I passed out. That day was when I realized I hated my body. I hated that I had breasts, I hated that I went through things that guys don't have ta. I never looked at myself in a mirror and I never let my gaze go below my navel."

 

Sean took a moment to pause, hesitating before continuing and figuring it was best to get it all out now.

 

"But I had needs and desires. And I hated every bit of it. The first time I felt even remotely turned on, I couldn't stop crying. Eventually I got over that part of it... but I'm sure you know where I'm going." Sean said with a sigh, not filtering himself one bit. "The first time I ever let someone touch me was horrific. But we'd been together for months by then and he said he'd leave me if I didn't do anything besides the fluffy stuff. I just lied there and let him have sex with me. I didn't know what else ta do.. I-I.. I was just scared. I liked the guy so I thought it'd be okay. That night was the second time my mammy found me, though I wasn't conscious to know if she made that same face. I'm positive she did though. So she took me ta the hospital again when I was 15 to pump my stomach."

 

Mark only listened, a pained expression on his face. He took Sean's hand and squeezed it firmly in his own, bringing the knuckles to his lips and tenderly placing a kiss there. "Jack... I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say."

 

Sean brought his free hand to his face when his vision blurred, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "I finally accepted that I'm not a girl only about two years ago after I had sex. I didn't like that. I just wanted to be what I saw myself as. Nearly everyone called me Sean by then, my parents hated it. That's really how I ended up living with Felix. Parents just don't believe in their god making a mistake so drastic. It's gotten ta the point where I don't know what I believe in or if I even still do. I keep getting told you can be this or that if you want to be accepted into this religion and I'm sick of it. I don't want to be accepted as a Catholic like my parents if I have to hide who I am."

 

As Chica climbed off the couch, Mark moved closer to Sean to wrap his arm around him in a side hug sort of gesture. "Screw it then. You don't have to be religious. Even if you do believe in some god, you don't have to categorize yourself. Fuck what it says you can and cannot be. My mom's Christian and she has a gay son who she accepts for who he is. She's never once told me I'll go to hell for liking guys. That's how a religion should be, so I wouldn't sweat it. If it's against someone's religion to treat you like a human being, then you have every right to tell them to fuck off because you shouldn't have to hide who you are to fit into a neat little box with everyone else."

 

Sean smiled softly, wrapping his arms around Mark tightly. "Thanks... honestly, I've been stressing over that for the passed few years."

 

From there on, the night started to wind down. Sean and Mark had fallen asleep on the couch next to each other, watching some Netflix series they thought looked interesting.

 

Now, all he had to do was get through VidCon without slip ups, then he could start working on his official 'coming out' video... he'd definitely need help from Mark for that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: underage drinking, kinks mentioned

Chapter 6 - Guys...

 

Sean, as expected, was nervous beyond belief for VidCon, most of the car ride being spent adjusting the shirt Mark lent him. Sure, Mark was bigger than him, by a lot really. He was muscular and broad, especially in his chest and arms... but Sean wasn't exactly flat chested. When the shirt bunched, you could tell he had extra fat on him.

 

Neither of them knew a way around that, so Sean basically was to slouch or cross his arms the whole day.

 

As soon as they got there, they prepared for the day ahead. A few times throughout the day, he'd caught some fans taking pictures from angles he definitely wasn't comfortable with - such as side profile. Luckily, Mark would always come and get him soon enough, saying how he had people for Sean to meet.

 

The best part about VidCon? He got to meet Bob and Wade and even got to see this kid do a backflip for Mark. The kid was younger than him so he started feeling a little more at ease, seeing the guy's blemishes was a huge relief as well. Turned out his name was Ethan and they exchanged numbers after the craze was over.

 

Not too much longer afterwards, he met Tyler. As much as Mark assured him he was a lot gentler than he appeared, Sean still tensed up and took a subconscious half step back when seeing him. Sure, Bob and Wade were taller but they were more... approachable.

 

It didn't take long for him to learn on his own just how wrong his first thoughts were. He was geeky and clumsy and had a honk like laugh that everyone loved - and in turn, made them laugh.

 

\- large time skip worth mentioning -

 

After VidCon was done and over with, Sean found himself dreading leaving. Sure Felix and Marzia were going to still be with him... but it just wasn't the same. So, while the trio were still in the States, they all decided to get together and just hang out.

 

... well, it was mostly an excuse to come out to everyone all at once, including his new friends, just to get it out of the way.

 

Bob had suggested drinking. Everyone agreed... well, sort of.

 

The issue was, Sean and Ethan were very underage. Mark, Felix, and Marzia were about to turn 21 anyway so it wasn't as big of an issue, but Sean and Ethan were both just 17.

 

Screw it.

 

After nearly three bottles of some booze with a Russian label that Felix had suggested, they were all nearly hammered. Ethan and Marzia were completely wasted, slurring gibberish and laughing at every little thing. Mark was definitely no better as he had a very low tolerance.

 

Sean, however, was probably just as 'sober' as Bob and Wade, raising the question of where he'd gotten booze before then. They didn't question it.

 

They were all soon sobering up and Sean decided it was now or never.

 

"Alright! So we don't all know each that well. How about we get to? Like a truth circle. One at a time." Mark suggested, noting how Sean seemed to want to get the truth off his chest. "I'll go first: I did wrestling in high school with Tyler."

 

Next was Tyler.

 

Then Bob.

 

Then Wade.

 

Then Ethan.

 

Then Felix.

 

Then Marzia.

 

And finally it was Sean.

 

They went around, sharing secrets and facts. They started off small. Ethan's peanut allergy. Wade was balding. Bob was concerned about his weight. So on and so forth.

 

When it got to about the sixth round, Mark shared that he was gay. That's when Sean knew it was time to share his not so little secret.

 

Tyler mentioned a kink of his - voyeurism.

 

Wade confessed despite his receding hair, he loved it when his girlfriend would pull his hair or just play with it in general.

 

Bob just shared some super secret gaming cheat that he'd discovered years ago that he'd never seen online.

 

Ethan said he had to quit gymnastics because the attention got him excited - and a leotard wasn't the best thing to be wearing in those moments.

 

Felix shared that he liked it when Marzia dominated him.

 

Marzia confessed she'd shoplifted an entire ham once and never got caught.

 

Finally it was Sean.

 

It was obvious he was nervous beyond belief, swallowing his spit before speaking.

 

"I was born a girl." He confessed, voice managing to not crack but sounding very weak. "... and moved in with Felix because my parents thought I was in the wrong for wanting to change that."

 

It all went silent after that, evident tension in the air. He kept his eyes fixed to his lap, Mark wrapping an arm around his shoulders, a comforting action which Sean accepted immediately.

 

"Well, if it's any consultation, I couldn't tell. You pass well." Tyler spoke up, offering a toothy grin.

 

"I used to work with girls almost everyday in gymnastics and I didn't notice. I just thought you were like me... soft." Ethan confessed, ankles crossed and half full water bottle in his hands.

 

The others spoke similarly. Sean was grateful and that was more than evident, a wide smile on his face and moisture streaking his cheeks.

 

There was 6 more down, now there was only one thing left to do – come out to his fans.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Jack gets hurts, mentions of weight issues, dysphoria, misgendering, minor Septiplier but mostly comfort fluff
> 
> \- Timeline is inaccurate, setting this story in about 2007 ish as Jack is 17. Height and weight are adjusted to be more realistic to an average biological woman's -

Chapter 7 - Stream

 

The day after their night drinking, everyone besides Ethan and Marzia were hungover. The two were lucky enough to never have drank - much - before so their livers were on the better side of it all.

 

Sean was miserable, having gotten in a bet with Felix on who could drink more without throwing up. The Irishman won... kind of. Felix blacked out before they could continue. It ended in 4 empty bottles of whiskey between the two that Mark found in his liquor cabinet. It was more so a cabinet that Bob and Wade designated when they brought booze over for drunk Minecraft as Mark didn't drink often.

 

Sean started down the stairs, however with his head fuzzy, he missed the last stair and fell on his knee, making him groan in pain, head pounding endlessly.

 

Tyler was the first to come by his side. "You alright?" He asked, helping Sean sit up and rolling up his pajama pants, examining his knee. It was already bruising and swelling. It wasn't broken or anything, just very bruised - that they could tell, at least.

 

Mark was next, coming over just as Tyler was checking out his knee. He didn't appear to have heard the fall, or anyone else besides Tyler for that matter. "Whoa, what happened? Did you fall?" He asked, kneeling down beside him.

 

"Yeah, it fooking hurts.." He hissed softly, accepting the help from Tyler to stand. However, as soon as he put the slightest bit of weight on it, he yelped, a whimper following as he lifted his foot the best he could, without bending his knee much, off the ground. He hadn't realized just how dependent he was on Tyler until he nearly fell when the man shifted.

 

After a couple moments of discussing what they should do, Tyler lifted Sean up effortlessly - like he weighed nothing - onto his back so he was piggybacking. Mark went ahead of them, opening the front door and the backdoor of his car to put Sean in.

 

"We're going to take you to the hospital just incase. I'll pay the bill, so no but's." Mark said as he got in the driver's seat, Tyler riding passenger. They all buckled up before Mark started driving to the hospital's ER, parking in the closest parking spot he could find.

 

Tyler helped Sean out of the car before carrying him in the same fashion as before. Mark went ahead, going to reception and getting the paperwork to fill out. As soon as Sean was carried in, Mark started asking him the questions as Tyler made sure his leg was propped up.

 

"Legal name?"

 

"Shauna Willow McLoughlin."

 

"Your age and birthday?"

 

"17, February 7th, 1990."

 

"Legal residence?"

 

"Athlone, Republic of Ireland. 123 South Avenue."

 

"Have you not changed your legal address yet?" Mark asked after a moment, knowing Felix lived in England.

 

"Not yet, I don't have enough money ta change the files." Sean replied simply. Another reason, his parents told him not to, still getting benefits from him being a minor and 'living' in their household.

 

"Okay. Allergies to medicine?" Mark continued questioning him before he turned the paperwork in to the receptionist.

 

Sean was soon called back, being pushed in a wheelchair with his leg propped up by a nurse.

 

Mark, while they were waiting for the doctor to come in, decided to livestream the wait with the other two.

 

"Hello everybody! So, poor little Jackaboy decided to start off his morning by falling down my stairs. Thus, all videos - both on mine and his channel - will be postponed until either tonight or in the morning–"

 

"Bloody hell!" Sean cursed as he checked his phone, groaning and rubbing a hand over his face. "... I completely forgot my flight was s'morning.."

 

"Aaaaaand it looks like Jack's going to be staying with me for a bit longer." Mark chuckled, looking over at Sean with an amused look, in which the Irishman flipped him off in response to making the other two chuckle. "Oh! And Tyler's here because Jack eats too many potatoes." He said, poorly imitating an Irish accent.

 

Sean slapped Mark's arm for that. "I'm not that heavy! I'm 50 kilos." He grumbled the last part. For a biological man, he would've been severely underweight. He was right at the markof under for a 5'7 trans man, but not dangerously so.

 

As they heard the door, Mark ended the livestream abruptly with a quick 'bye!' as the doctor came in. After asking the basic questions, the doctor began to check out Sean's knee.

 

"So, Shauna, how exactly did this happen?" The doctor asked, making Sean visibly uncomfortable at the name.

 

"C-Call me Sean... I didn't see the last stair of the case s'morning and I fell on my knee." He said, looking down to his hands neatly folded on his lap.

 

The doctor hummed in response. "Okay.. Miss McLoughlin, tell me where you are on the pain chart?"

 

This continued for a good thirty minutes, Sean looking close to tears by the end of the exam. There were a few times when the doctor was being a Grade A dick, making Mark close to telling him off, Tyler taking his hand to let the other squeeze to get the anger out.

 

"Alright, you appear to just have a sprain but it might also be a partial tear, it's too swollen to tell right now. Stay off your feet and avoid flying for the next month, come back if it's not better by then and we'll do some tests to see if it is a more serious tear, if at all a tear. I'll get you a brace to keep it from moving too much." The doctor said, leaving the room and bringing back a patted hinged brace.

 

After getting shown how to put it on and getting help, Sean was helped with standing, his pant leg rolled to about mid thigh as the brace was too bulky for him to put the material over it. Soon, he was able to somewhat walk and they all made their way back to the car after Mark paid for the visit.

 

\- later that day -

 

Mark was in the kitchen, cooking some dinner - well, more so heating up leftovers for the two of them to eat. As much of a giver that man was, his cooking was shit, so nuking some two day old Chinese food was the best option.

 

They were both soon seated on the couch together, doing a 'let's play' together to make up for the lack of videos that week. They'd settled on Prop Hunt - a venture to the past. They were both on a team so they were sitting next to each other on the couch with their laptops and a diva light along with both of their cameras set up.

 

After they did their intros, they began playing with random others, just wanting to get a video or two recorded and uploaded before anything else.

 

After the first video was out, Sean was starting to get distracted, unable to really hide that well. After this became a reoccurring thing, Mark decided it was time for their outros. Saying a 'buh-bye!' before Sean did his, letting the videos remain unedited to save time and make up for their lack of attention to their fans.

 

"You alright? That doctor was a dick, I'm sorry about that.." Mark asked, genuine concern in his expression.

 

Sean didn't respond, just suddenly curled up to Mark's side, arms tightly embracing the American with his face buried in the man's shirt. It wasn't long before moisture started to soak into the fabric and little whimpers escaped his lips as much as he tried to keep them in.

 

It sucked, to be curt with words.

 

Mark returned the embrace without hesitation, only with one arm as he set their laptops to the side to avoid risking breakage. He soon hugged him fully, nose buried in the Irishman's short cut hair and holding him close.

 

"It'll be okay, I promise. You're the most handsome guy I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Don't let some dick break you down, he probably just took his own insecurities out on someone who seemed to be in a fragile state of mind. But you're better than that." Mark said softly, voice a whisper as he talked to Sean.

 

Sean was shaking a bit, mostly from the pent up emotions getting the better of him. He didn't talk, but his breathing wasn't on the verge of hyperventilation anymore, finding Mark's words comforting.

 

"One day you won't even have to ask to be called Sean. And that day isn't too terribly far. You're almost 18, you can start your transition. But you don't need to. You don't need to prove to anyone but yourself that you're a man. To me, you've always been Jack. You've always been this cute Irish guy that Felix introduced me to. You'll always be an enthusiastic, loud guy that could brighten anyone's mood with just a smile or a laugh. You're an inspiration and I really hope that you know I mean it, I'd never lie to you."

 

Sean was soon crying for a different reason, heart racing at Mark's words. Honestly, he'd always had a crush on the American. As they got closer, he just figured the crush was the yearning to be friends with the guy who inspired him to start YouTube and was his idol - and still is! However, he knew that he couldn't just tuck things away in a neat little box forever.

 

So, without really thinking about it, Sean cupped both of Mark's cheeks and kissed him.

 

Mark didn't respond to it but also didn't pull away as Sean had expected him to. He just let the Irishman do what he wanted.

 

As he pulled away, Sean's face flushed with embarrassment. "I-I'm sorry... I shouldn't have.. I–" He was cut off by a little chuckle from Mark.

 

"I think you need to go to bed, it's getting late. I don't want you to regret that... I also don't want that kiss to be given because you think you owe me something. You don't. In the morning, if you don't regret it, then we can talk through this and see where both of us stand. If you do, we won't talk about it if you don't want to." Mark explained, giving the kind smile he's known for, his signature lopsided grin.

 

Sean smiled softly, nodding. In a way, he was glad Mark didn't kiss back. In another, he was pissed but that was just his teenage hormones getting the better of him. He stood carefully, finding the right footing to start towards the stairs. Mark carried both of their laptops under his arm, walking close behind Sean up the stairs to be sure he didn't fall again.

 

That was definitely a day Sean wasn't going to forget.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: nudity mentioned heavily

Chapter 8 - Help?

 

Sleeping was no easy task that night. Not only was Sean's leg constantly aching and in an uncomfortable position, but his mind kept flooding back to the kiss. Well, sort of kiss, it was still one sided and you kind of need two people to kiss. Sean just sighed as he woke up and saw it was 7AM... He couldn't have gotten anymore than an hour of sleep the entire night.

 

Finally accepting that he was awake and was going to stay that way, the Irishman got up, picking up a shirt to put on as he made his way to the bathroom with clothes for a shower. As he sat down to take off his brace, he suddenly remembered an important flaw with the plan –

 

He can't stand on his own and baths just made him feel dirtier.

 

Sean decided, against what his mind was screaming at him not to do, to text Mark.

 

Sean, 7:08 - Hey, Mark? You up?

 

Mark, 7:10 - Yeah, what's up?

 

Sean, 7:15 - Can you come to the bathroom? I've got a favor to ask

 

Mark didn't respond, just coming to the bathroom and knocking on the closed door before getting the okay to enter. Sean was sitting on the lid of the toilet, a pout on his lips.

 

"How might I be of service?" Mark asked, amusement in his tone at the look on Sean's face.

 

"... I need help showering." Sean finally said after a moment, nodding to the shower then to his leg.

 

Mark felt his face heat up before he spoke again. "Oh," He started, unsure what really to say, "uh... alright. How do I help?"

 

Sean started taking off the brace as he thought of how this would work, chewing his lip anxiously, cheeks flushed bright pink. "J-Just... hold my hips? So I don't fall." He decided on, figuring it was the best option.

 

Mark nodded, turning away as Sean undressed, hopping over to the shower and starting it before taking a few deep breaths.

 

"O-Okay." Sean said as he was in the shower, barely holding himself up on one leg as his hands supported him on the shower wall.

 

Mark finally looked, keeping his gaze mostly on Sean's face and the floor as he made his way over to the shower to assist. He was partly inside the standing cubicle before he gently held Sean's hips, eyes tracing over the Irishman's back as he began to wash his frontside before anything else.

 

Mark cursed when Sean almost slipped. "Hold on... brace yourself on the wall for a moment." He instructed, taking off his shirt and socks before his underwear, deciding it would be easiest to just be in with him. Sean didn't object, actually giving the okay for Mark to get undressed. No one liked wet clothes after all.

 

After he was nude, he got in the shower behind Sean and shut the door on it so the water wouldn't get on the tiled floor, keeping a comfortable distance from the other. He placed his hands over Sean's hips, holding him in place before helping him turn to wash his back. At some point, his hands moved to Jack's waist so the man could wash along his pelvis.

 

It didn't take nearly as long as either one thought it would, and it wasn't as terribly awkward either. It was actually rather comfortable and definitely strengthened their bond.

 

After both got dressed, they finally started to laugh at the whole situation. "I honestly didn't think you'd be okay with helping me." Sean confessed, laughing fading to little giggles between the two of them.

 

"Thought about it, but you're stubborn. Knowing you, you'd fall again and we'd have to go see Doctor A-Hole again." Mark confessed, helping Sean dry his hair after seeing it was still damp. "That wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be." Sean wordlessly agreed, allowing Mark to dry his hair the rest of the way with a towel.

 

\- small time skip -

 

"I don't regret the kiss." Sean suddenly said in the middle of breakfast, cereal bowls filled to the rim with Froot Loops and milk.

 

The statement took Mark off guard, most of the milk from a bite of cereal dribbling down his chin. The man wiped it out of his beard before acknowledging the Irishman's words.

 

"Yeah? That's good." He responded, turning to face Sean. "What was the kiss for? I don't know other cultures very well, I don't know if that was a gratitude type of thing or if you like me... So be blunt. Do you have a crush on me?"

 

Sean blushed at the questioning, not expecting the forwardness. He took a bite of his cereal as he thought up a proper response. After swallowing, he nodded before replying and looking at Mark. "Yeah. I like you. I have since I first started watching your videos. At first, I just thought it was admiration and yearning ta have you acknowledge my existence... but we met. We met and became friends. I'm staying in your home and I... I can confidently say it's not that. And after you reacted the way you did ta me coming out ta you and how mad you got when the doctor kept being an arse, it became more than clear."

 

Mark smiled softly, moving closer to Sean to wrap an arm around his waist, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "We can see where this goes then. I just needed to be sure you weren't talking in the heat of the moment kind of thing." He said, smiling as kindly as Sean had ever seen.

 

The rest of the day was spent with practically endless cuddling, sneaking kisses, and a plan. Mark started suggesting ideas on how Sean could come out seeing as the Irishman was almost desperate at that point.

 

They officially decided that they wanted to make it look like a gaming video at first. Maybe a 'don't let the ballon hit the floor' kind of deal and each balloon would have a colored dust in it. Two baby blue, two pink, and one white. It'd be subtle yet obvious to anyone in the LGBT+ community.

 

Well, here goes nothing.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: emotional Jack

Chapter 9 - I love you guys

 

It was game time.

 

Sean, due to not only the scorching LA heat but also his brace, decided to borrow some shorts from Ethan. He'd tried a pair of Mark's and Felix's shorts, but well, they just were too baggy in some areas and way too tight in others. Thank god for them meeting Ethan.

 

While Mark and the others set up for the video, Ethan helped Sean prepare.

 

"Remember - you don't have to do this. There'll be assholes who say shit that they shouldn't... but if you are certain you want to do this, then I'm sure the positivity will outweigh the bad easily." Ethan said, offering a reassuring smile to try to ease the anxiety radiating off the Irishman.

 

Sean pulled up his shorts, Ethan assisting as the American was smaller around the hips than him, buttoning and zipping them before responding. "I know I don't have ta... but I've gone four years binding incorrectly just so no one found out. I didn't want them ta know that I didn't have a penis or that I have a breasts or – it's just the little things that I've feared so much. I don't want ta have ta hide these things from my fans anymore. I can't count the number of times I've got hoarse from deepening my voice for a livestream. I can't express how painful is it ta bind with tape and bandages and I don't want ta have ta anymore just ta hide something I can't change yet. I want ta be able ta embrace who I am and assure fans going through similar that they're not alone. I want ta do this for them."

 

Sean could barely see Ethan anymore, vision blurry and cheeks soaked with moisture.

 

"Just making sure." Ethan said, handing a tissue over to Sean. The Irishman cleaned himself up before strapping on his brace, slipping on his shoes on with Ethan's help. "Well... lets go make a coming out video!"

 

Sean couldn't have been smiling more, anxiety knotting his stomach yet the thought of so much support just pushed him forward, friends there to catch him if he falls.

 

Everyone instantly stood as Sean came outside, balloons in hand so they wouldn't pop prematurely. Sean took a few deep breaths before nodding to Bob to start recording.

 

"Top O' the mornin' ta ya laddies! My name is JackSepticeye and today we're doing something a bit differently. I'm joined by friends Mark, Bob, Wade, Tyler, and Ethan ta have a step into the past. If you grew up before phones were a widely accessible thing, you've probably played that one balloon game where you can't let it touch the ground. I have five friends here today because I have five balloons ready... and I can't exactly do much at this moment in time." He began, stepping back to let the others do their own intros and explanations.

 

Soon the game started.

 

As the first balloon popped, the blue dust scattered, coloring the black tarp beneath them.

 

Next was the pink directly beside it.

 

This continued until each balloon was popped, the five others smiling as it was finished.

 

"In all honesty... This is a more serious video. Anyone who was at VidCon this week knows I acted off. They know I wasn't really giving hugs and they know I was pretty antisocial. And you all know that isn't Jack. If you've been with me from the beginning, you may already have theorized this... I'm sure you've noticed my voice is often croaky and deeper than it is today. You might also notice I'm in baggy clothing and have comfortable posture. The reason... I'm transgender. I was born a girl, but I'm not one. I wanted to do something more fun for a coming out video for you guys as you are all used to me being upbeat and happy and generally loud. I didn't want to do like everyone else does and just talk with you all - there's nothing wrong with that, don't get me wrong, but that's just not me. I don't like to sit down and I don't like it when others see me cry... which is why I've put off this video for so long."

 

Sean took a break, burying his face in his hands, sniffles audible on the each of the cameras' audio. He took a few more deep breaths before starting to wipe away his tears, bringing his hands away from his face.

 

"I love each and every one of you guys... and if any of you are going through something similar.. I just want you ta know that I'm here for you. I understand your pain and I just pray you won't do anything as rash as I've done in the past. I know I was in a very dark place for years now and I've done some things that made me feel better momentarily... but please. Please, please, please, please, please. If you ever feel like you're just so low you can't get up o-or you feel like harming yourself or worse, please go talk ta someone. I love each and every one of you and I cannot express that enough. You're all so wonderful and your lives are precious. It took me 17 years to even consider that I might mean something to someone. It took me leaving my home to find people who accepted me for who I and didn't want to change me. And I love them more than anything even if I've only known some of them for a few days now."

 

Sean was sobbing by then, shoulders trembling as he spoke, Mark coming to him stay up so he wouldn't fall from being unsteady.

 

"Even if your parents don't accept you, things will be okay. Mine kicked me out and I took it as opportunity. Felix let me move in with him and everything just started ta look up from there. You just need ta find someone who can support you and everything will be okay. I-I can't respond to everyone, but if you need help or just a pick-me-up, email me and I'll try to respond because I do care... I hope this video helps at least one of you with whatever you might be going through - if you're trans, gay, bi, going through a bad breakup, dislike yourself for any reason, maybe your parents are going through a separation - just know you are loved by at least 6 people and we will support you endlessly. That's it for now. I love you guys and I hope everything goes well for you all. I'll see all you dudes in the next video."

 

Sean instantly broke down even more once the camera was off, nearly falling. Mark picked him up, wrapping the Irishman's legs around his hips as he held him up in a sort of hug, hands under Sean's thighs to hold him up properly.

 

It took nearly an hour for Sean to calm down, Mark holding and rocking him as he cried into his shirt, whispering sweet words full of genuine love into his ear. "You did so good," "I'm so proud of you," "Your fans'll love it," and so on.

 

After finally calming down, Sean was completely exhausted, nearly falling asleep in Mark's arms. However, the American was pushing water into him, making him sip at a water bottle so he wouldn't dehydrate between the sweat and tears.

 

"Are you doing okay?"

 

"... I feel amazing." Sean confessed, grinning against Mark's neck as he buried his face against the man's tanned skin. "Thank you."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - Mark...

 

Sean purposely avoided his phone for the first day after he posted the video, near deathly afraid the responses. However, after Mark insisting that he has to see what everyone had to say, the Irishman finally caved.

 

He opened his laptop as he sat in bed Saturday morning, fingers hesitating on every key as he logged into his account. He instantly slapped a hand over his mouth as he brought up his channel, in utter shock.

 

His follower count was now nearly three million.

 

Sean took a deep, shaky breath as he clicked on his coming out video. He didn't dare to look at the screen for nearly a full minute before he willed himself. He wasn't really looking at the likes and dislikes, only at the comments. In the whole hour he spent scrolling through the feed, he only found one hate comment.

 

It wasn't long before he heard a knock on his door, looking over as Mark entered with something behind his back. He walked over to beside Sean and handed him a decently sized flat box, a grin on his face.

 

Sean gave a look to say, "if something jumps out, I might actually kill you." To his surprise, as he opened it, he found a tank top like article. Upon closer inspection, he saw the tag 'gc2b.' He was speechless, only setting his laptop and the box aside to stand, hugging Mark tightly.

 

"Marzia told me your size since she helped with laundry back home." Mark started, returning the embrace gentler, absolutely in awe about how much Sean loved the gift. "I couldn't have you binding your chest with bandages and tape. My brother's girlfriend's brother is trans and I saw what happened to his ribs. We visited him in the hospital after one of his ribs broke from it and he was miserable."

 

Sean only tightened the brace further, face buried in the American's shirt. It took a minute more before he could respond properly, smiling widely, cheeks wet from tears. "Thank you so much... I-I don't know what else to say... Remind me ta take you ta dinner when I next get a chance."

 

Mark smiled softly, kissing the top of Sean's head as the man finished his sentence. "Well, we've got another month together until you heal. I'm sure there'll be some chances."

 

"Oh, fook... I totally forgot about that." He said, looking disappointed momentarily before shrugging and grinning. "As busy as it is here, I don't hate it. Show me around the city sometime. Your favorite spots and restaurants. Maybe we can make the rest of this month really memorable and not of hospital visits."

 

"I'd like that... let's start, hm? I know this amazing dinner we can go to this evening."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: graphic sex, vaginal sex, graphic oral sex, body worship (kind of)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is unedited (because it’s nearly 3000 words and I haven’t had the time yet to check for minor errors)

Chapter 11: Not Even A Little Bit

 

After leaving for Britain once Sean was healed, things seemed to change for the better and for the worse.

 

For the better because Mark had returned his feelings and they agreed to meet up in a month to 1.) come out to their followers together and 2.) go on a date like a normal couple and maybe work out the gray area in their relationship.

 

For the worse because Sean found himself getting impatient easily and eagerly awaiting his and Mark's next meet up. He also found himself waking up in a bad mood after a long night of talking with his boyfriend, almost feeling... pent up? Yearning for the man, perhaps.

 

———

 

In the weeks leading up to their meet up, Sean had found himself feeling less and less shame as heat pooled in his stomach after each Skype video call he and Mark shared. For once, he actually anticipated and hoped for something to happen when he flew back to L.A.; He wanted desperately to ask why he wanted something he'd resented for so long, but he couldn't exactly ask his friends about it.

 

He wanted to be captivated in the heat of the moment. He wanted to know Mark felt the same pull of attraction that he did. He wanted to know how the American's hands felt on his body, lips on his throat and torso... He wanted to feel that deep connection only obtainable through consummation.

 

Sean felt himself growing more comfortable with seeing himself naked as well. He made himself comfortable with it through long sessions alone at night, fingers caressing his bare skin, tracing every bulge and crevice with the delicacy of a pianist. Some nights, he stopped abruptly, body trembling and cheeks wet from the crashing reality of the situation. However, for the most part, majority of the nights spent were successful, ending in utter relaxation and satisfaction, both mentally and physically.

 

Now, Jack could look at his full body in a mirror without much more than a grimace every now and then.

 

As the time edged on, he began making very subtle innuendos to Mark, wanting to make the man think about the topic without full on saying, 'thanks for all your help, I want you to have sex with me when I come to L.A.'

 

———

 

"How was your flight?" Mark asked, signature beautiful smile in place as he spoke.

 

Sean had landed about an hour before Mark came to pick him up, baggage collection taking forever as per usual as well as the over crowded airport being difficult to maneuver through. "Agonizingly long, but it went better than usual. Great knowing what was waiting for me, or rather who." He replied, winking at Mark as the man took his luggage and put it in the back of his van.

 

The American opened the passenger door for his boyfriend, shutting it after he was situated in his seat. He walked over to his own side and got in, buckling up as Sean did.

 

The two made small talk as they drove back to Mark's place, discussing random topics mostly. The traffic was worse than usual due to it being a weekend, making the 30 minute drive nearly an hour long. Neither seemed to mind however, just enjoying each other's company.

 

Sometime along the drive, Sean's hand found its way onto Mark's knee, rubbing small circles against the denim of his jeans. The man, at first, seemed almost hesitant of the touch, unsure if it'd be okay, but relaxed within moments of it, one hand moving off the steering wheel to cover the Irishman's.

 

———

 

Things went as usual after finally arriving home, the two just lounging around and watching some movie or show together, Mark's arm around Jack's shoulders and holding him close.

 

That was until Sean made the first move.

 

The Irishman turned his head towards Mark, scanning over his relaxed face, before brushing his lips against the man's jaw, stubble tickling his nose. The American smiled softly with a little hum, only momentarily breaking his gaze from the TV to look at Jack before returning back to the show.

 

Sean puffed out his cheeks a bit as he thought a moment, shifting slightly towards Mark as he thought up a plan.

 

Returning his lips to his boyfriend's jaw, Jack slowly dragged a line of kisses down Mark's neck, lightly nipping at the base.

 

"... Jack." Mark started hesitantly, the Irishman's hands now against his thigh and abdomen as he continued with his work. "What're you doing?"

 

"Nothin'." Sean replied innocently, tongue slipping out between his lips to nurse a mark his teeth made along the tanned skin.

 

Mark couldn't help but chuckle at that, tilting his head away from Sean to allow the other more access. "Mmhm, doesn't feel like nothing."

 

Sean only smiled at the response before he sucked a small hickey in place under Mark's ear, nose brushing against the lobe as he gave attention to the mark until it was dark enough. He felt his boyfriend swallow, likely having grazed over a sensitive spot in the process.

 

Finally, after marking up the American's neck with hickeys and bite marks, Jack pulled back to admire the abused skin. "... I wanna do stuff with ya." He muttered softly, barely audible, untrusting of his voice.

 

Mark clenched his jaw at the words, a thoughtful expression on his face. After what seemed like forever, though was really only a minute, he responded. "What kind of stuff?"

 

Sean made a little shy whimper, pouting at being made to elaborate. "The stuff couples do. I wanna touch you and I want you ta touch me and... more." His voice was low and tentative though he'd rehearsed the words in his head a thousand times both on and off the plane.

 

Mark gave a serious expression, turning to face his boyfriend completely. "Are you sure? We don't have to if you're not comfortable with it. I'm willing to wait as long as you need – hell, I wouldn't even care if we never had sex, being around you is enough. You don't need to prove yourself to me for our relationship."

 

Sean felt tears well up in his eyes, the words overwhelming in the best ways. He nodded eagerly with a genuine smile. "I've been making myself more and more comfortable with the idea ever since leaving last time. I can look at myself naked now and – well, I didn't mind you seeing me naked while you helped me shower all those times..." He trailed off a bit on his thoughts before catching himself and sitting up straight, taking Mark's hands in his own. "I want our relationship ta not be restricted; I want you ta not have sex with me... but I guess, as cheesy as it is, make love to me."

 

Mark smiled softly, face overtaken with nothing but support and genuine care. "Alright. I'll make love to you." He decided, voice soft as he stood up, pulling Sean off the couch with him. "Let's go to the bedroom, make it a little more romantic."

 

———

 

The two made their way upstairs to Mark's bedroom, setting Chica's bed and toys outside the room so she wouldn't disturb them.

 

Everything started off slow: kisses drawn out, dripping with passion, as hands fumbling with lesser clothing. Each took special attention to marking the other up with hickeys and bites, claiming areas precisely located in places invisible to others' wandering eyes, aside from the choker of bruises left around the American's neck.

 

Soon, both were half naked - Mark only in his boxers and Sean in his boxers and binder. Carefully, the older helped his boyfriend out of the compression clothing, gently massaging under his breasts to relieve the tension of aching muscles.

 

Mark gave a questioning look, as if asking if he could pay special attention to the area. With an approving nod, Sean smiled at the other, fingers carding into his hair as slow, wet kisses were placed over the fat of his chest. A shudder ripped through his body as the American's tongue traced gracefully over the purple hued stretch marks along the axillary tail.

 

Jack's breathing was labored, little sighs and shudders indications of enjoyment. His eyes were hooded, shifting his gaze down to Mark as the attention was gradually focused on his nipples, tongue carefully weaving between and coating the Montgomery glands in saliva.

 

Mark's hands remained on Sean's waist since the beginning, thumbs tenderly massaging the toned muscles of his boyfriend's abdomen. He spared glances up at Jack through his eyes lashes, watching all the stress seem to wash away from his being, the furrow between his brows no longer of stress.

 

He felt the contraction of Sean's muscles, how they pulled tight when his body shudder with pleasure. His entire body was blushing, skin reddened from the attention and heated from the attentive touching. His lips trailed slowly down from the now very marked up skin of his boyfriend's chest to his navel, paying careful attention to each area of skin in between.

 

Very carefully, he watched Sean's expressions as he kissed along the fine hairs leading from his navel to his boxers. He immediately stopped when he heard his boyfriend's breathing quicken, looking up at him completely now.

 

"Are you okay? Do we need to stop?" Mark asked carefully, rubbing circles against the pale skin of Jack's hips.

 

Said man shook his head after a moment of calming his breathing. "No, sorry, I just got really... erm, excited... suddenly." He explained, a shy tone in his voice.

 

The American suddenly smiled teasingly, making him laugh. "Oh, is my mouth that good?" For that, his boyfriend rolled his eyes, yet didn't deny it.

 

"Let's move onto the bed, I don't want you hurting your knees." Sean said as he stepped away from Mark to lie down on his back, face flushed from arousal.

 

Mark followed his lead, moving over the Irishman but only enough to be face-to-face with his crotch, red fabric darkened with moisture between his thighs. Without much hesitation - short of watching Sean's face for any protest - he lowered himself to his stomach between the younger's legs, dragging slow kisses from his knee along his inner thigh until he reached the damped fabric.

 

The American didn't immediately go to remove the boxers, however, wanting to work Sean up to it instead of throwing him straight into complete nudity. His nose was the first to gain contact, pressing against the fabric as his mouth soon joined, starting by pressing a wet kiss to the already wet fabric, breathing in the musky, metallic scent before dragging his tongue over the moisture. His nose was seemingly in the perfect position to nudge the fabric against Sean's clitoris while his tongue massages the outer labia, the man practically trembling under the attention.

 

Before long, the boxers were discarded after the Irishman's pleas to gain direct contact. Mark didn't immediately dive in again, instead admiring the uncovered area, fingers massaging against the skin of Sean's groin. The area was more flushed than the rest of his body, larger sized labia accenting. The American went back in after on looking, nose buried in Sean's pubic hair as he started by giving attention to his clit, finding out quickly that sucking around it was too much by the sharp jerk of his boyfriend's hips, settling on flicking his tongue over it. He then moved down to pay attention to each fold, reveling in the noises Sean made, making him moan softly in turn.

 

He found quickly that Jack's immediately reflex when starting to push his tongue inside him was to clamp his thighs together, back arching off the mattress. To accommodate for this, Mark held Sean's thighs tightly, keeping them from suffocating him.

 

However, this didn't last long as Sean was tugging at his hair, forcing him up. His beard was soaked with precum around his chin area, lips swollen from the extensive attention and sucking.

 

"Please... I'm so close... I-I want you inside me." Jack's voice was almost in a begging tone, pitched higher than usual from just how pent up he was, tears welling up from the attention.

 

Mark swallowed thickly, nodding as he wiped his face off with his hand, reaching over with the other to retrieve a condom from his nightstand along with a bottle of lube. He carefully rolled the latex over his shaft, pinching the tip as he did so, finally coating it in the lube.

 

Sean took a deep breath to calm his breathing as Mark aligned himself with the younger's entrance. With a shaky breath, the American finally pushed inside slowly, arms holding Jack close to his body.

 

A small whimper eliciting from the Irishman made Mark stop his movements, only about halfway buried inside him. Sean's nails were dug into the older man's shoulders, little crescent indents reddening the skin.

 

Jack readjusted his hold on his boyfriend as he got used to the unfamiliar fullness, one hand now against Mark's nape and the other on his back. He finally gave a little nod, signifying he could move now, after a minute or two, and bracing himself.

 

Mark pushed in the rest of the way, slowly, hands moving to hold Sean's hips for better guidance. He looked down at his boyfriend: his flushed body, twitching and trembling - his wrecked face, saliva glistening on the hairless skin of his chin, pupils blown and eyes hooded, cheeks flushed a darker shade than the rest of his body - his hair tufted from the movement, giving the signature 'sex hair.'

 

God, he was gorgeous.

 

Within only minutes, they managed to set a rhythm, a soft knocking of the headboard against the wall accenting each thrust. Sean's nails raked along Mark's back and nape when the feeling became more intense, leaving pink and red stripes behind, likely to make lasting marks.

 

As the contractions around his member became ever more present, Mark knew Sean was close, only encouraging him to intensify the rhythm. It was only a few more moments before Jack was gasping out his boyfriend's name, back arching and toes curling as the sheets beneath them soaked with the added moisture.

 

Mark continued on until he felt himself release into the condom, riding out his orgasm until they both were off the high. He pulled out carefully, not wanting to cause Sean any discomfort, before tying the condom off and throwing it away in the bin beside his nightstand.

 

Finally, he settled beside his boyfriend and cuddled up to him, smiling as he tiredly did the same.

 

"Are you still okay? Don't regret it?" Mark asked softly, placing a sweet kiss to the top of Sean's sweaty hair. The Irishman shook his head at the question, smiling softly at the man.

 

"Not even a little bit, it was perfect."


End file.
